If My Son is Gay

Now that the title has got your attention, welcome to my opinion. Please do read on, even if you disagree with me, which most of you will.

I have for the longest time wondered about this, but not with any kind of fear. There were never words like geez, yuck, OMG, sick etc associated with my thoughts. My thoughts were purely from a parental instinct point of view. I have wondered, in great detail, on how I would face and handle such a scenario.

So, if one day I came to realise that my son was gay, this is what I probably would do. I am quite mature and fortunate enough to know that his sexuality was NOT his "choice", which is contrary to what a majority of my well educated friends believe. It is what he is. It is what he was made to be. It is what he has become. So first things first: I will accept him as he is. I will accept and love him just the way he is. Even if the whole world is against him, I will stand by him and allow him to be what he is. I will encourage him to not be fooled into thinking that he can "change" if he want to. I mean, how stupid is that? In the work that I do as a counselor, I have met with numerous gay men, who literally beg and plead with me to help them change their sexual orientation. Without support, the weight is too much for them to bear, and change is the only option they see. Sadly, even the well educated ones believe that it's some sort of an illness that can be treated and changed. So much for education and common sense.
I will defend my son anywhere and everywhere. I have personally seen the pain, trauma and torture people go through, at the hands of their own family, friends and society, simply because of their sexual orientation. I will not allow that to happen. No one deserves that. Surely not my son.

One thing I am absolutely sure about, after a lot of thought is that his sexuality will NOT be a family secret. That's one less closet in my house. As if we all don't have enough skeletons to deal with now. My family, including the extended ones, MUST be aware of his orientation. How they feel about it is not my concern. To accept it or not is their "choice", since they believe in having a choice. My only wish and hope is that apart from me, his own mother would be able to love him, just like she loves him now.

The world will never go kind on him. Yes, things are changing and slowly people are beginning to see the truth and understand it, but in my country we still have a long way to go. I will teach him to never expect and assume that he will be accepted as he is. But he has my assurance that I will never allow the world to tear him down. I am pretty sure that by the time he is an adult, he would not need me. He will be strong enough to protect himself.

In these last few days, since the supreme court ruling in USA, a lot has been debated about this, right here in India and right here in my friends circle. The most common comments or arguments againts the ruling is that, its unnatural, its againts the will of God, its a mental illness and so on. And trust me when I say that all these comments come from really well educated people, some even more educated than me. So much for education. What these people focus on while commenting, is only in regards to sex. They simply fail to see that for a homosexual, there is a lot more at stake than the simple need to have sex with another of their own kind. There is a whole lot more. It's also about their freedom to love another human being. It's also about their right to have a family. It's about their right to raise a child. Imagine telling a woman who cannot conceive that she has no right to raise a child because she cannot "naturally" conceive. Therefore she cannot adopt and raise a child. Imagine that. That's unfair. Everyone has a right to have and raise a family. Not even ones sexuality must come in the way of these basic human rights. 
So the law passed in USA and even article 377 fiasco in India is not just about the right to have sex. Sex is just a part of it. It's a whole lot more.

If you are reading this and if you are a parent to someone who is gay, please love and accept them. If you are someone who is gay and unaccepted, don't blame those who don't accept you. They don't know better.

So, coming back to my son, who knows what he will turn out to be in the years ahead. It does not make a difference to me because the LOVE that we share, transcends everything else. And for those scripture thumping folks who are so damn keen on quoting the bible, I am sure you have read 1 Corinthians 13, where towards the end it says that there is Faith, Hope and Love, and the greatest of these is LOVE. Even John and Paul said, all you need is LOVE. Not the apostles, the Beatles.

An Open Letter to Mohan Lal

Dear Laletta Mohan Lal,

I am was one of your biggest admirers. You were the epitome of Malayalam cinema at one point and oh boy, what an awesome career you have had. From playing the role of a villain during your early days and swiftly becoming a heartthrob of millions, it was indeed one memorable journey.

Some of my all time favorite movies are yours. When I look back a few decades ago, the only movies that remain etched in my mind are movies in which you have acted. Aram+Aram, Mazhapeyum, Boeing Boeing, Kireedam, Chitram, Naadodikattu, Akkare Akkare are just a few that I can name on the top of my head. This is quite long actually. You made acting seem effortless and it came quite naturally to you. Whether you were paired with Sreenivasan, Jagathy or Priyadarshan, you easily pulled it off. It was a joy and tremendous pleasure to simply watch you on the screen. You surely ruled.

All fairy tales have an ending and must end on a sweet note, but you seem determined to not let your fairy tale end. I admire the commitment and determination but when it is at the cost of making a fool out of your faithful fan, enough is enough. The most ridiculous film you have even done is Prince, in 1996. Yes, the late 90's were the era of slapstics etc, but that is absolutely no excuse. When Suresh Krishna created magic with Rajini, you wanted a bite of that pie. What you got was a bite on your arse. Since then, your movies have been nothing but average, barring a handful. Tell me something: Why is it that you try to act younger, as you grow older? Whats your logic there?

I am sure you noticed your image fading and that is probably why you jumped into different ventures. Well, what business you do is your business. No Complaints there. The came the CCL, or Celebrity Cricket League. You would have done wonderfully as a mentor or could have even offered a lot of cheer and support from the sidelines like Mammooty and other seniors did, but NO, you had to be in the limelight. Your bowling action gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Frog in a Blender". Please, don't ever go out on the field again. You are not building your image. You will be ruining it.

When Drishyam was released, it was a bright glimmer of hope. It was brilliant and you were at your glorious best. I was almost forgetting the atrocities of the past and then you go and ruin it by acting as a Mermaid in Koothara. Dude, seriously? A mermaid? Don't you read the bloody story before committing? Or did someone trick you into doing it? Or did you think playing a mermaid will be a turning point in your career? It sure was, but only it turned downwards. Just when I thought you had hit rock bottom, your come up with Lalisom.

I will need a whole new page to write about Lalisom. What the heck..!! There is a limit to which you can test the audience. I am glad you got a first hand experience of what we feel about Lalisom. You were booed, made fun off and ridiculed, by your very own fans. You deserved all of it. Jokes about you are floating all over. Dude, you are not the first celebrity to fool the audience by lip syncing, but at least, do it well. The way you lip synced, made Ashley Simpson look like an expert. I am sure that as all this is happening, you are thinking about what you can do next to stay in the limelight. Either way, you cannot go any more to the bottom. You have hit the core of the earth and beyond. You are NOT a rock star. And you had to choose a national event to launch this joke. Shame.

Please, retire. Or if you can't, then please stick to acting and please choose role that suit your age. Stop doing crap that Priyadarshan throws at you. It's all copied and in most likely hood will be the remake of the remake of the remake of the remake. Enough. Seriously, enough..!

As I write this, I am assured that this is not only my voice. I am sure that thousands feel this way and so it's probably time you stood up and took notice.

Cheers
Your Fan (Once upon a time)

50 Years of Brindavan

It was this day, 1st October, 50 years ago that the then prestigious train Brindavan Express made her maiden run from Chennai to Bangalore. She covered the distance in just a little over 5 hours, which is how much time the present day Shatabdi Express takes. Anyone living in Bangalore or Chennai at that time knew about the Brindavan and it immediately became the preferred means of travel between the two cities. When it started, it ran on twin Diesel WDM2 engines. It was a thrill to see two engines pull a train. The Brindavan even stood apart when it came to looks. While all trains spotted the dull dry brick livery, the Brindavan spotted bright green and yellow. She sure was a head turner, in terms of looks as well as speed. At that time, she was the fastest in south India, with stops only at Jolarpetai, Katpadi and Bangalore Cant. She would reach Bangalore around 1pm and depart back to Chennai an hour later, reaching back the same night.

The Brindavan became famous for the speed, as well as the facilities she offered for that time. The AC Chair Cars were a luxury and became hugely popular on the Brindavan. All would agree that the best bit about the Brindavan was the food and the pantry car. I have traveled numerous times on the Brindavan, and each time I make it a point to walk up to the pantry. It was a sight indeed to watch the staff prepare hot dosas and fry crispy vadas, all when she is zooming past at 110 kmph. One could stand right there at the panty and eat or simply be seated and the food would keep coming. It seemed that everyone loved eating. She departed from Chennai at 7:30, in time for breakfast, so no wonder the pantry was always in full flow. It was a joy to simply walk through the vestibules and feel the brute force and see the tracks below while crossing over.

In the late 70's the railways experimented with double decker coaches for the Brindavan, to improve capacity. Though it was fascinating to see, it never really took off and failed to be a success because of the lack of luggage space and the reduced head space, making it difficult for even slightly taller people. The lower deck complained of dust as well. This was soon discontinued and she was restored to her actual glory. By then, the speed of the Brindavan was also reduced slightly to make her safer. To make it worse, more stops were added, giving in to public demand as well as to win votes. That was probably the beginning of her fall. In the years to follow, more and more stops would be added, thus increasing the travel time to a good six hours. Today the travel time is 6 hours and 10 minutes.

With the dawn of the 90's, electrification was completed up to Bangalore, and Brindavan now ran on an electric locomotive. The first run was in 1992. In spite of a better traction and better locomotive, the speed never increased, thanks to the increasing number of stops for the train. As of today, the train has 12 stops including the origin and destination. The train was however, still the first choice for most travelers and was still considered a premium train. Lalbagh Express came on the scene and briefly stole the limelight but she would meet the same fate as well. Today Lalbagh has 13 stops. The Brindavan continued to find favor with travelers and it had a great sentimental value. She somehow managed to crawl on for all those years, until suddenly things changed a year and a half ago.

In the recent past the railways have made certain stupid decisions and have added some worthless pieces of junk like the Duronto, Gareeb Rath and the Double Decker. Unfortunately, one Double Decker was assigned to the Chennai - Bangalore route. This initially brought cheer to all, but what the railways did with it is unthinkable. First off, the double decker is designed horribly. Head space can be excused, but even otherwise, it is terribly cramped. You cannot even dream of stretching your legs, forget comfort. Due to the height restriction, you cannot even walk around during the journey and you are a prisoner on your own seat.

Due to these problems, the DD, which departed 20 minutes after the Brindavan, rain empty on most days and was obviously making huge loss. To solve this, the railways switched time slots. The DD was given the 7:30 time slot and Brindavan was pushed to 7:50. This did not work. People still preferred the Brindavan any day. Next the railways cut down on the reserved coaches for the Brindavan and even brought down the AC chair car coaches from 3 to just 1. Now she was running with a majority of unreserved coaches and just 1 AC coach. Still, passengers preferred the Brindavan, which had a huge WL almost every single day, while the DD continued to run with a majority of empty seats. The final nail on the coffin was a couple of months back when the railways withdrew the very last AC coach on the Brindavan, arm twisting the AC passengers to pick the cramped DD.

Today, the Brindavan still runs packed. There is still a huge WL on the handful of reserved coaches left. Majority of the coaches are unreserved and there is no AC coach. It looks like, and is made to run like a poor passenger train. This is the plight of what was once the fastest and most prestigious train in South India. Last week, while arriving from Kerala, my Trivandum mail pulled onto platform 4 at Central. On platform 5 was the DD, all swanky looking, but deserted and ready to depart. On my left, on platform 3 was Brindavan. Worn down, dirty, and cheap vinyl advertisements plastered tastelessly all over her. There was still an hour left for her departure, but that platform was bustling with activity. Somehow, that same old sense of excitement was in the air. After all, you are going to be on the Brindavan, the train that just refuses to die, even after being stabbed multiple times.

A Day With Indigo at Srinagar

The recent floods at Srinagar have caused havoc in plenty. Not just to property and livestock, but even to the lives of those who are alive. When a calamity of such nature strikes, we are all ever so ready to point fingers and find fault with what all the authorities have NOT been doing. News channels are full of stories filled with tragedy and anyone you speak with, has a similar line to tell. More often than not, we fail to notice the good that has been done. I am not sure if I should use words like fortunate or privileged, during a tragedy, while describing what I saw, but in the end, it was an eye opener for me. I came back home with an all new level of respect for Indigo Airlines, with whom I was there.

Indigo is a client of the company I work for. When the crisis struck Srinagar, Indigo requested for a counselor to offer onsite counseling assistance to the employees. They were also kind enough to open up the counseling service to the stranded passengers and pretty much anyone who needed some psychological help. So, I was flown in to Srinagar, via Delhi. Before I boarded the Delhi - Srinagar flight, I wondered if there would even be anyone on the flight. I mean, who in their sane mind would fly into Srinagar now, when everyone there was trying to get out. Surprisingly, there were enough and more people on the flight. As we settled in, I came to know that a lot of them were relatives of those missing, who were flying in to search for them. Then there were quite a few staff of Indigo, who were rushing in to Srinagar to assist with the overload of work. As we took off,the crew were as pleasant as ever. Food and water/juice was distributed to all passengers free of cost. No questions asked.

Chaos, is the first word that came to my mind as soon as I landed in Srinagar. The airport was packed with people trying to find a seat on any flight possible. There were people who had tickets for few days before and even people who have no tickets at all. The security apparently were having a tough time trying to control people on the outside, from entering inside. There was hardly any space left inside. The food stalls wore a deserted look and the stench from the toilets were unbearable. People were hungry, frustrated, tired, all rolled into one.  I was escorted somewhere towards the back, to the Indigo office. Here too, the atmosphere was chaotic. With limited flights, they were trying to fly out as many people as possible. They were trying to feed as many as possible with the limited supply of food.

I was given a room to sit, where people could come and speak if they needed to. However, the same room was used to store all the food supplies. The same room was where the crew came in to grab a bite. What I simply sat there and observed for the rest of the day was simply mind blowing. I saw humanity at its very best. I saw a corporate giant like Indigo, expose its heart and soul, and a big heart that too. I spoke with two ladies who were part of the ground staff. Both looked dead beat, but went about their work without much of a break. I caught them when they came in to grab a bite. Apparently, they belonged to Mumbai, but was flying in and out daily from Delhi to assist with the work in Srinagar. They were asked to head back and take a break, but they refused. They volunteered to stay back and work in the time of need. After a quick bite, they were both off again.

I chatted with a doctor, who again was flying in and out of Delhi on a daily basis. He had volunteered for this and he said that he would continue to do this as long as the need existed. He would rush out each time someone fainted or vomited. Sometimes the sick would come in and he would attend to them, with a smile. Then there was Basheer, who was more or less like a helper. I was not really sure what his role was, but he seemed to be carrying all the boxes and also getting everyone some hot masala chai, to keep going. He offered me my first tea as soon as I sat down. The next hour he offered me the next. Following that, every hour he just kept bringing it, with a very pleasant smile, all through the day. Whether he was making tea or lifting boxes or handing out food, he did it with a very warm smile. You could simply feel loved by him.

Since there is no supply of food locally, any flight that came in to Srinagar was bringing in food and other basic supplies. There was food that was meant for distribution to the passengers and there was also food in boxes marked "staff food". Even after the usual food ran out, each and every employee of Indigo present there welcomed in anyone coming in search of food. They did not hesitate even for a second before they took the warm food out from the "staff food" box and handing it over to them. They made sure that the stranded ones ate, before they ate. Some munched on biscuits and apples and gave away their warm meal to the needy. Basheer as always, handed out the meals with a smile, making sure to check if an individual was vegetarian or non vegetarian.

I also got to observe and interact briefly with few high level officials. Almost all of them had flown in from Delhi and would be returning the same evening. This would continue on a daily basis. I hear them talk about how they did not want even a single empty seat on a flight out. Accommodating people with older tickets and newly bought tickets was a logistical nightmare. These are the ones that could afford to fly out. But what about the poor laborer who cannot even afford a train ride? Indigo was flying them all for free. More than 50% of the seats on the flights out were free tickets. Not a single rupee was taken from them. Most of them did not even have a proper photo ID, and it was the first time they were even coming close to an airport. That day, it did not matter.This flight was open to all.

A couple of flight took off through the day. I was put on the last flight out, along with all the other staff who were shuttling to and from Delhi. Though we were scheduled to leave at 4:50 pm, we only took off at 9:15 pm. Here again, the group was a mix of passengers, staff, crew and more than 50% who could not afford a tickets and were inside a plane for the first time. I shared my row with two other crew who were heading back to Delhi. They told me that they would need to be up by 4 am the next day, to catch the first flight into Srinagar. As hard as it was, they all wanted to do it. They somehow wanted to be a part of the rescue and rehabilitation mission in any way possible. Every one of them was going to be back the next day.

I wish I had paid attention to the name of the captain of the flight. I could have at least asked him towards the end. He was one of a kind. An ex army personnel, who was coincidentally stationed at Srinagar 15 years back. Now he flies out of there under a different circumstance. Right when we boarded, he walked up and down the aisle, speaking to people and checking if we were all fine. He then walks up to the rear end of the plane, where all the laborers and first time flyers are seated. He chats with them and makes small talk and reassures them that everything is going to be fine. Once he was back in the cockpit, he was constantly talking to everyone, mainly addressing the nervous first timers, explaining about the aircraft, its safety, few technical details etc, which I am sure played a huge role in putting few at ease. We did not fly so high, so each time we flew over a city, he would ask us to look out and see the city lights below. So we did see Pathankot, Ludhiana and few more. He said that on an absolutely clear night, you could even see the lights in Lahore. An entertaining flight indeed.

The cabin crew matched up to that as well. Service was with a smile, and somehow, that day it seemed genuine. Food and juice was served on the house and no money collected. We could all eat as much as we wanted to. Some of the staff on board ate a little more. Understandable, since during the day they sacrificed their food, plus now, they could simply relax.

In an hour and twenty minutes, we touched down in Delhi. There were gasps heard from all over the plane. Some gasps probably meant they were relieved to be back, while some meant, "where do we go now". As I got up and walked forward I see all the crew and captain near the exit. Even after a long and tiring day, they looked as pleasant as ever. When they said thank you, you could see they meant it. I don't know about all the other times I have flown Indigo, but this time, their smiles were genuine. 

The Flight Of The Dreamer

In this world, we need two kinds of people: The dreamers and the realists. We need the realists to prevent the dreamers from flying too close to the sun, and without the dreamers, the realists wouldn't even get off the ground. (A line from the sitcom Modern Family)

We all have dreams. Some of us dream big while some dream small, but in the end we all dream. The dream we have is a hope. A hope for something greater. A better life, for us and those around. Dreams are known to bring joy, and at the same time, they bring sorrow. For if a dream does not take off, it eventually fades away.
Now as I begin my dream, I hope for it to take off. I hope I may soar above the sun, and shine brighter. But first I need to get my feet off the ground. The mighty wings will flap, raising me higher, and when I look down, I can see the beauty.
Down below, was where I first had that dream. Wretched place, but is pretty now, so I rather see it this way. A new life awaits me and all of you. A pity that you don't see it. I must soon land, in the land of dreams, where life begins anew. Here hopes and dreams will start again, and again, until this dreamer takes off again.

Respect

Recently during one of my numerous inter-city trips, while waiting at the airport, I happened to hear bits and pieces of a conversation between two middle aged men. No, I wasn't eavesdropping, but they just happened to be loud enough for me to hear a little. I never really understood what the real context of their conversation was, or what they really were discussing, but the one line that was pretty clear and slightly louder than the rest was, "These bloody Indians don't even respect each other". No, they weren't foreigners. They were true blooded Indians. I couldn't help but grin a little. That eventually spilled over to my own thoughts, on who really deserves my respect.
Now I am pretty sure no one really gives a rats ass if I respect them or not, and I don't mean to include friends and family. I was thinking more in terms of the so called Bloody Indian, or Stupid Indian as i would like to call them.
Thinking about it. How can we respect someone who has no self respect? How can we respect the person who litters and treats the road as his personal dumpster? Is it easy to respect someone who does not follow the lay? How about trying to respect the one who jumps a traffic light? Giving or taking a bribe does not earn much respect as well.
I find it hard to respect a person who does not keep his place clean. I find it even harder to respect someone who does not keep someone else place clean. Totally no respect for someone who swindles money and zero respect for those who treat some public space as their own.
So, is it any surprise that the Bloody Indian does not respect its own?

Forever Young

May you grow up to be wise, beyond your many years,

May you touch many hearts, remaining there forever.

May you be loved by all, and hated by none,

May your presence always bring warmth to those who surround you.

May you always live by your own terms,

May you create your own rules, while you break some.
May you be a leader who makes more leaders,
May you always follow your heart.

May you look above the lines of religion, caste and all,

May you just simply love one and all.
May you live life to your fullest, you only have one,

May you always be forever young.