Tagged - The Weird Me

So, I just got my first tag, and it came from Chandni and this seems interesting so why not take a shot at it. Ok, so here is what i do. I list out six things that are really weird about me and then i tag six unsuspecting souls, and then i leave a comment saying that they are tagged(and expect them to get startled?)

So, these are my list of six things(not in any particular order) that make me, ME (clap clap clap).

1. I cant stand blades and safety pins. If i ever have to come in contact with any one of them i may end up puking. If there is a blade or safety pin lying somewhere, i have to ask someone to pick it up and throw it away. In short, no traces must remain. (how weird is that?)

2. I cant stand watermelons. Cant stand the sight, smell or taste. I also find it difficult to sit next to someone who is eating a watermelon. (guess these two points make me a difficult person to live with)

3. While in bed, i hate sleeping next to the wall.

4. I love music and i am really good at identifying a bum note. I can pick out an off note if someone is singing or playing some instrument, even if it is just a small fraction off, BUT, I cant hit a single straight note. I cant hit a note to save my skin.

5. I cannot express anger. I just dont know how to do it. No matter how hard i try, i just cannot get angry or even convey the message that i am angry.

6. I have never eaten vegetables and most meals i have has to have some form of meat in it (just realized that i may not have long to live. I love you guys)

So there goes, and now take it over you guys.
Shain
Phoenix
Mutton
Elika
JayJay
Quincey the quackpot

Voices

I knew it was coming. It was just a matter of time. Every body has some scary story to tell about their experiences with a client. I was among the few who didnt have any. One of them had a client get angry and physically assault the client. Another one had their clients husband come and threaten them. Yet another therapist had a client pull a gun and hold them for almost an hour, before he made his escape and later got arrested. Ok, i admit my experience was nowhere close, but not bad for a start i would say. For the past few weeks i have been seeing a client with schizo affective disorder. Ill just refer to her as "client". For the past few years she has been hearing voices speak to her. These voices cuss her and conspire about her. During the earlier sessions i have asked her to listen to those voices and tell me what they are saying. It has always been something about her, like "sacrifice her" or even "she is giving away our secrets" and so on. During the last session i decided to take it a step further. Maybe i should not have. The first half of the session was self care and further discussions about the voices. Then.....

Therapist: So when was the last time you heard those voices?
Client: This morning. Wait. I can hear them now(listens for a while)
Therapist: Well, what are they telling you?
Client: They are saying that i should get a good lawyer.
Therapist: Hhhmm. I see. Its scary isnt it?
Client: Ohhh (makes a sad face and puts her head down)
Therapist: Do you think they will have something to say about me?
Clients: (listens) They tell me that you have no clue what you are doing.
Therapist: (No response.Loss for words)

I should have stopped, but i didnt. I put my hands into my file and close the file over my hand in a way that she cant see. Im holding out three fingers.

Therapist: Can you ask your voices how many fingers i am holding?
Client: (listens carefully) They are saying three.
Therapist: (gulps)
Client: Am i right?
Therapist: Does it matter? Ok how many am i holding now? (Im holding two)
Client: (listens carefully)Two.
Therapist: (silence)
Client: Was that right?
Therapist: (silence/smiles)
Client: (Confused look)
Therapist: (gathers courage) Ok, our time is up for today and ill see you next week.

Being Misunderstood

Ok, now i may not be an expert in identifying which part of the world a person comes from, but what i do know is that i should not assume. If i am not sure, i rather shut up than get myself embarassed. Honestly i cannot differentiate between someone from USA and England. Oh yes, the accent could be a big give away but minus the accent, they all look alike. The same goes for someone from China and someone from Japan or Korea. Maybe im a little ignorant, but i know im not the only one.

Something really funny happened a few weeks ago. I was with a group of friends and were just chatting along and then out of the blue one lady changes the topic and says, "hey, i just noticed that your birthday falls on 9/11 and your from the middle east. Wow...!! What are the odds of that?? ha ha ha". There was dead silence in the room. Some of my friends felt offended and thought that i might too. I smiled but was laughing inside. No one said a word and neither did I. We left and soon it got me thinking, "what did she mean?" "Did she think that the attacks came from my country." "Did she envision me wearing that black jacket you see in the picture above?". I still laugh when i think of that and so do some of my friends. I just call it ignorance. One comedian one said, "75% of american children cant find earth....... on the map on earth." This topic came up again among my friends today. We were out at starbucks sipping on coffee and somehow the topic turned to someones someone who long ago knew someone who was an immigrant and was illegal. Hearing this one of my friends commented, "He should be Deported" and almost immediately she turned to me with an embarassed look and began to apoligize. Her face turns red. Why on earth was she apologizing to me? Did she think i was illegal in this country? Did she think that i deserved to be deported? Surely there was nothing in that to offend me, but there was plenty to keep me amused for a long time.

Welcome To The Machine

Kind of late to start writing a blog?? Never have i kept a journal. Never have i jotted down anything. Then why am i doing this now? I dont exactly know. I think i know myself well, so if things go normal, i might write for a few days and then just give up. Not because i dont have anything else to write about, but just that i might be bored with this and no longer find this appealing.

Anyway, this is me. The one in the picture. Travelling in a suburban train in chennai. I love trains and yeah i can spend days in a train. I can have the most peaceful sleep in a train. I have so many memorable train journeys to write about, but my number one train journey was on August 9th, 2005.

More about that later. Not right now. now i just miss life in India. Been away from home for a very long time now. Miss the food, friends, climate, sweat and yeah, trains ofcourse. I have been in the USA for close to two years now and i am excited each night as i lay in bed to sleep because i know that when i wake up i will be one more day closer to going home. Well, if i dont like it here that much, then why am i still here???? Good question. I have to admit that i do not dislike this place. I do like it and it has its own advantages and i have tried my best to fit into this alien culture as much as i can and yes, to an extend i have been successful. I am a surviver and i can survive anywhere and that is what has kept me going. Right now i am making the best use of my opportunities.

I have in my hands an opportunity that most people in India dont have. A lot of people want to come over to the USA to realize their dreams and most of them never make it and here i am complaining about being here. What right do i have to behave this way? Well, like i said before, i am going to make the best out of this and i am going to learn as much as i can about this culture and country. As much as i would like to learn from here, i would also like to teach. There is a lot of things that people here can learn from me, or Indians in general. Now i am not much of a talker and i find it very difficult to start a conversation. Very few people ever talk with me about my country. Most of them dont care. Some are afraid that their ignorance will be brutally exposed.

Lunch time at the cafeteria is something that i look forward to each day when i am in college. Not because of the food, but because of the chance i get to sit down with people, hoping that someone will ask me something about my country and my culture. Most times i have left the cafeteria feeling disappointed. Who would want to hear about an ancient culture when they would rather talk about the NFL and NBA. Oh, i do love sports, but cricket is my game and i have tried explaining the game to people here and they just cannot comprehend how a team can play a game for five days, from morning to evening and at the end of the fifth day walk off without a result. Well anyway, there are one or two people in my college who take the time to ask me more about my country and culture.

These are some of the conversations that i enjoy the most and look forward to. I must admit that i have never ever felt the need to talk so much about my country. I guess like many other indians back in India, i just took it for granted and assumed that it was something not worth talking about. I have new ideas and beliefs and i wake up each day as a new person. Im happy now. Lets wait and see what the day holds for me when i wake up tomorrow morning.