My Dad And I

From as far back as I can remember, I never had a relationship with my dad, where we could sit and talk for hours. I was never able to share anything with him. I was never able to laugh and joke with him. For some weird reason, I always believed that he never understood my point of view and that he was all out to contradict me on anything I ever said or did. I assume this feeling came from the time when he expressed his displeasure at me having long hair or even having a funky beard. He never let me grow it my way, and from then on, I felt that we would disagree on almost everything.

Honestly I never looked forward to going home and being with him. The only reason I would go home would be because I got to eat some good food, and maybe even spend a few days, doing nothing. During those few days, our conversation was minimal. I prefered sitting in front of the TV, rather than talking to him. The very few talks we have had would be when we sit down at night for prayer before bed. Mostly these conversations had something to do with religion and God etc. It's not that I dont believe, but it's just that I believe something so different from what he believes. To avoid a conflict, I never contradicted him or argued against what he said. I learnt to nod my head and let it pass like a meaningless conversation. Afterall, he would never understand my point of view. I see him as this narrow minded person, who has not changed with the time, and refuses to acknowledge the fact that some others have indeed moved on with the times and have created a whole new perspective on things. This pretty much sums up the conversations I would have had with my dad, for the last 28 years.

When I came back from the USA few weeks ago, I was really looking forward to spending time with friends. Going home and staying with dad was the last thing on my mind. I do feel a little guilty about the fact that I am no longer excited to see my father, and that I prefer the company of friends to my family. But anyway, I did eventually go home. Things were kind of different this time. For some odd reason, I noticed that we were begining to have some meaningful conversations. We began to talk things that we both knew. That surprised me. Never in a million years did I ever assume that one day, my dad nd I would have something common that we could talk about and agree. We started discussing clients, their problems and solutions. He was eager to know about the kinds of clients I treated, and he was equally eager to share about his experiences with his clients and he was even asking me for opinions and treatment plans that he could implement with his clients. We discussed various theories that we use and how effective it would be and so on. There were few points we did disagree on, but this time I think that we both disagreed and yet respected the other persons point of view. As the days went by, I actually began to not mind staying at home for so long. It was ok. It wasnt so bad, and my dad was not a stuck up boring person afterall.

It took us 28 years to find something common that we share. Im glad we did. In the years to come, we may or may not find more things in common. We may agree or disagree on so many things, but this time we both have a new level of respect for what the other one believes, and I believe that this makes all the difference. It feels as if a new phase in our relationship has just been kick started.