I was away in Michigan last weekend, attending another Imago workshop for couples. It was for a duration of almost three days. I attended a similar workshop a few months ago in Indianapolis and it really is amazing how much you learn each time you attend, even though it was the same kind. The Imago model is something that has caught my fancy and is something that I use a lot in my work now and I also hope to learn as much as I can and use it in future. Not just in my work with couples, but also in my relationship and personal growth. I believe that all of us can benefit from this if only we learnt it. It makes so much sense. It would be impossible to note down everything that I learnt because there was just too much information. Some quotes however caught my attention, and I thought I would list some of them.
We See The World, Not As It Is, But As We Are.
This reminded me of the song, "Waiting on the World to Change" and this just made me understand again and again that when we find fault, the best way to change it is to change ourselves. This quote fits right in to the context of couples. How often have we found fault with out partners? We always do and it is easy to do so. We easily blame out partners for how bad our relationship is. If it indeed is bad, there is only one thing to do, and that is to change ourselves, because we view our relationships just as we view ourselves.
Two Opposing Realities Can Peacefully Co-exist.
I am sure that when we all were younger, we would have created a mental image of what kind of partner we want. Some of us still do it even today. We want our partner to have our similar interests and tastes and do things that we love doing. We realize that most of these dreams have not been realized, once we enter a relationship. That in no way means that we are not a match. That does not mean your partner is not meant for you. We need to understand that our partner is supposed to be everything that we are not and more importantly we are supposed to be everything that our partner is not. Its amazing that two people can be poles apart and still exist together.
Conflict Is Growth Trying To Happen.
When two people with different agenda get together, it is easy for conflict to happen. Its not the end of the world, though we may be tempted to think that way. Conflicts are necessary and is a way in which the couple can grow together. A couple can have the same issue, but different defences and hence a problem in resolving it. Conflict helps us to heal and finish our childhood issues and grow stronger as a couple.
If We Don't Change Directions, We Are Likely To End Up Where We Are headed.
If couples are not conscious of the real agenda behind their conflicts and if they only have their conscious agenda, then they could be headed for disaster. This is the time to wake up and change directions as a team and if they don't, then they will end up where they are going right now and also blame each other for where they have reached.
Have The Courage To Be Imperfect.
No one wants to accept that they are imperfect in a relationship. It is always your partners fault. It is your partner who is imperfect and always screwing up. That's what we believe and love to believe. It takes courage to accept that we are imperfect and that it is ok to be imperfect. I so strongly believe that, "People are imperfect and it is their imperfectness in each other that makes them perfect for each other."
If You Want To Be Loved, Be The Lover.
You cannot demand love from your partner. It has to come naturally and it will come to you only if you give. It is amazing how being the lover can transform your partner into giving you the love you want. Become, and you shall receive.
If You Want Your Dreams To Come True, Wake Up.
In a relationship, it is so easy for us to have big dreams and sometimes unrealistic ones, mostly during the early stages of our relationship. Its perfectly ok to dreams because those who don't dream rarely achieve anything, but for this to happen we have to wake up. Waking up in this context would mean becoming aware that we need to put some effort and make things happen. It will not fall into place on its own without our effort. We should understand that our partner has had the same dreams as us and that they too are facing the dilemma of dreams not coming true. Wake up, and together you can make it come true.
It probably is hard to understand and really implement these concepts into our relationships. It is possible and not as hard as we thing it is. All it takes is awareness and a little effort from us. Relationships are real hard work and it doesn't come easy. It will only survive if we see it as our primary work. I had a couple come to me recently and their marriage is in the pits. They both want a good marriage but are not willing to work hard at it. When I told them that relationships are hard work, the man told me, "I work long hours. I work fourteen hours each day and I don't want to come back home and have more hard work." Whether we like it or not, we have to accept it. It is hard work and it calls for putting aside of all egos and selfish intentions. Nothing in the world can ever replace our relationship. And finally....
Our Partner Is Our Greatest Gift. Enjoy every bit, because it doesn't get better.
We See The World, Not As It Is, But As We Are.
This reminded me of the song, "Waiting on the World to Change" and this just made me understand again and again that when we find fault, the best way to change it is to change ourselves. This quote fits right in to the context of couples. How often have we found fault with out partners? We always do and it is easy to do so. We easily blame out partners for how bad our relationship is. If it indeed is bad, there is only one thing to do, and that is to change ourselves, because we view our relationships just as we view ourselves.
Two Opposing Realities Can Peacefully Co-exist.
I am sure that when we all were younger, we would have created a mental image of what kind of partner we want. Some of us still do it even today. We want our partner to have our similar interests and tastes and do things that we love doing. We realize that most of these dreams have not been realized, once we enter a relationship. That in no way means that we are not a match. That does not mean your partner is not meant for you. We need to understand that our partner is supposed to be everything that we are not and more importantly we are supposed to be everything that our partner is not. Its amazing that two people can be poles apart and still exist together.
Conflict Is Growth Trying To Happen.
When two people with different agenda get together, it is easy for conflict to happen. Its not the end of the world, though we may be tempted to think that way. Conflicts are necessary and is a way in which the couple can grow together. A couple can have the same issue, but different defences and hence a problem in resolving it. Conflict helps us to heal and finish our childhood issues and grow stronger as a couple.
If We Don't Change Directions, We Are Likely To End Up Where We Are headed.
If couples are not conscious of the real agenda behind their conflicts and if they only have their conscious agenda, then they could be headed for disaster. This is the time to wake up and change directions as a team and if they don't, then they will end up where they are going right now and also blame each other for where they have reached.
Have The Courage To Be Imperfect.
No one wants to accept that they are imperfect in a relationship. It is always your partners fault. It is your partner who is imperfect and always screwing up. That's what we believe and love to believe. It takes courage to accept that we are imperfect and that it is ok to be imperfect. I so strongly believe that, "People are imperfect and it is their imperfectness in each other that makes them perfect for each other."
If You Want To Be Loved, Be The Lover.
You cannot demand love from your partner. It has to come naturally and it will come to you only if you give. It is amazing how being the lover can transform your partner into giving you the love you want. Become, and you shall receive.
If You Want Your Dreams To Come True, Wake Up.
In a relationship, it is so easy for us to have big dreams and sometimes unrealistic ones, mostly during the early stages of our relationship. Its perfectly ok to dreams because those who don't dream rarely achieve anything, but for this to happen we have to wake up. Waking up in this context would mean becoming aware that we need to put some effort and make things happen. It will not fall into place on its own without our effort. We should understand that our partner has had the same dreams as us and that they too are facing the dilemma of dreams not coming true. Wake up, and together you can make it come true.
It probably is hard to understand and really implement these concepts into our relationships. It is possible and not as hard as we thing it is. All it takes is awareness and a little effort from us. Relationships are real hard work and it doesn't come easy. It will only survive if we see it as our primary work. I had a couple come to me recently and their marriage is in the pits. They both want a good marriage but are not willing to work hard at it. When I told them that relationships are hard work, the man told me, "I work long hours. I work fourteen hours each day and I don't want to come back home and have more hard work." Whether we like it or not, we have to accept it. It is hard work and it calls for putting aside of all egos and selfish intentions. Nothing in the world can ever replace our relationship. And finally....
Our Partner Is Our Greatest Gift. Enjoy every bit, because it doesn't get better.
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